I was observing some stubbornness in a friend — and, when I notice some undesirable behavior in another person, I’ve learned that it is often a reflection of something that I’m doing (or have done), and the best way to deal with the friend is to first understand myself… which got me to thinking about my own stubbornness.
Why would I be stubborn when offered a solution to a problem or a better way to do something?
The revelation struck me that perhaps I simply have a problem discerning who I can really trust to help me. I’m holding back (being stubborn) because I either don’t trust them or I don’t trust that they are offering me something better.
- How can I tell?
- What signs should I look for?
One positive telltale sign of a person to trust — s/he will tell you the truth regardless of what you really want to hear.
The next thing to look for is their attitude… the feeling you get as they talk to you… are they speaking with genuine understanding and care? I can feel it when a salesperson just wants to make commission! (A profit is OK, IF they first want to help me.)
Another positive aspect to look for is simply a different perspective…
A new perspective may add a new aspect of what you’re looking for.
For example, from the “5 Blind Men and the Elephant” story, if I’ve got the elephant by the trunk and they have a leg — it adds to my perception of an elephant as a whole. Or, from their vantage point, maybe they see the entire elephant. So it’s useful to consider that input.
Also I am more apt to listen if they’ve proven that they’ve been right a few times in the past… and they didn’t say to me “I told you so!”
Look for these key ingredients in the people around you and in the new ones you meet, and you’ll soon figure out who you can trust.
How about stubbornness in other people when I’m doing my best to help them?
So here is my opportunity to seek the reflection of my own stubbornness…
I must reflect on this so that my communication permits that person to listen to what I am saying.
So, the recipe for getting past our own stubbornness is remember what it takes to be able to trust someone… and trust their sincere desire to help you. Don’t we want to be a friend / coach to trust?
Lesson learned: To get past our own “what’s in this for me” so that we can be valued as sincere and trustworthy.